The Perfect Mother – SNL


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>>> BABE? BABE. CAN YOU JUST LIKE GIVE ME LIKE A MINUTE? >> JULIA. >> DAD. >> LET’S GIVE MOMMY AND GRANNY A MINUTE. >> THANK YOU. >> YEAH, OF COURSE. >> THERE YOU GO. >> MOM. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT. >> DID WHAT, HONEY? >> RAISED ME WITHOUT GOING INSANE. I MEAN, LOOK AT ME. I’M A MESS. BUT YOU. YOU WERE JUST LIKE A PERFECT MOTHER. >> NO, I WASN’T. >> YES, YOU WERE. YOU WERE ALWAYS SO CALM AND SWEET WITH ME. >> THAT’S BECAUSE EVERY MOMENT WAS A JOY. >> . SLEEP! >> I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER YOU EVER YELLING AT ME. >> HOW COULD I YELL AT THIS FACE? >> OH, MY GOD, LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THE TV! DID YOU JUST PUT PAINT ALL OVER THE TV? >> I JUST NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES. LIKE I’M COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED. DID YOU EVER FEEL LIKE THAT? >> IF I DID, I DON’T REMEMBER. ♪ HAPPY BIRTH ♪ >> I CAN BARELY MANAGE TO TAKE A SHOWER EVERY OTHER DAY. BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS SO PUT TOGETHER. >> ENJOYING THE SHOW, CHERYL? >> HELL, NO. >> YOU WERE PERFECT. I MEAN, EVEN WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HATE YOUR MOM, YOU WERE GREAT.

YOU NEVER JUDGED ME. YOU NEVER PRIED. >> WELL, IT WAS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. >> COMPARED TO YOU, I FEEL LIKE I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS. >> YOU ARE EVERY BIT THE MOTHER I WAS AND THEN SOME. MAYBE YOU FEEL LIKE THIS INSIDE, BUT OUTSIDE, YOU COME ACROSS AS SO RELAXED. >> WELL, I TRY NOT TO GET WORKED UP ABOUT THE LITTLE STUFF. >> WHY DIDN’T YOU PACK THE GODDAMN GIRAFFE? >> YOU SAID, “PACK A TOY!” >> I MEANT A GIRAFFE! >> YOU SAID — >> SHH. >> HEY, BABY. >> IT SEEMS LIKE YOU AND NICK STILL FIND TIME TO, YOU KNOW. >> MOM. I’LL JUST SAY THAT IN THE BEDROOM WE ARE STILL VERY MUCH A MARRIED COUPLE.

> SORRY. >> YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB. JUST REMEMBER TO CHERISH EVERY MOMENT. BECAUSE EACH DAY WITH YOUR CHILD IS SPECIAL. >> NICK, CAN YOU COME HELP ME? SHE BLEW OUT HER DIAPER. >> WHAT? >> SHE HAS ALL THE WAY UP HER BACK. >> OH, THAT’S UP TO HER NECK. >> AND EACH DAY YOU’LL EXPERIENCE SOMETHING NEW AND WONDERFUL. >> DR. KLEIN, MY DAUGHTER ATE TWO CRAYONS. >> NO, FIVE. >> SORRY, FIVE CRAYONS. DO WE NEED TO BRING HER IN? >> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. SEE? YOU ARE A PERFECT MOTHER. >> SO ARE YOU, HONEY. YOU HAVE POOP IN YOUR HAIR. >> OH. .

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